just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
