party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
