carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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