2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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