I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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