I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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