ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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