Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
