my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
