Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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