I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize