How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
