super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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