just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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