singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
FUCK WHALES
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
