you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
