You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
