found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
