Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everclear isn't food dammit
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
