I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
