I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
