So drunk its hurt
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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