You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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