I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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