Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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