what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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