If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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