I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
