I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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