sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
