taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
