if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
