i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
50% drunk capacity currently
The uberlube is also flammable
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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