I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
