Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
