I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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