you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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