Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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