***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
