i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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