I cockslap morals
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
