Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
