Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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