I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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