Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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