Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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