i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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