I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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