i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
