I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
