Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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