I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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