I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
