Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
