I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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