Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
