break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you didnt know i had herpes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
