the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
honey bunches of taint.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
