It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize