We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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