just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
