If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
