Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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