i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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