Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
