So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
