He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
