Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
