why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
