If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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