Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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