So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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