I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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