Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
