gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
