I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
